For most of my life, Valentine’s Day has been something I’d rather skim over, simply because of society’s push on the whole thing.
Ever since I can remember, especially at school, it was ingrained into me that if I didn’t get a rose or a Valentine’s gift from someone special, that I wasn’t lovable enough.
I went through each year watching the other girls in my grade receive roses and gifts and this just added to my old belief system that maybe I just wasn’t good enough.
I have worked hard at breaking free of this old story for the past few years, (hence why i am currently writing my book "You Are Enough") So when i felt into why i really despise this holiday so much i remembered...
When I was 17 years old, it was the first time I’d had a serious boyfriend on a Valentine’s day.
I expected to receive roses and chocolates and the whole nine, just like the television commercials advertised.
To my shock horror, when I arrived, that wasn’t the case at all, in fact, he was in the bedroom with another girl. (insert horrified cat face emoji here)
When he came out, I confronted him. He had been drinking and told me I was crazy, then threw a box of chocolates at me saying “see I got you something”.
As I watched the chocolates scatter all over the floor, my heart broke into a million pieces and I promised I would never play a part in this Valentine’s thing ever again.
Each year when this day rolls around I cringe a little deeper at the thought of it and wish that I could close my eyes and sleep through the whole thing.
Even when in I was married, I told myself and my husband that I wanted nothing to do with any of the Valentine’s shenanigans.
This year, leading up to Valentine’s Day, has been the same as any other year to me, maybe even a little worse as I have just come out of a relationship with someone I have loved deeply for the past 2 years. He may have even been the first guy to really want to celebrate this day with me and made a deal out of it showing up with roses and chocolates and special dinners.
So of course, I began to fret, I even booked my trip home to Australia during this time purposely running as far away as I possibly could - but guess what? Valentine’s Day exists in Australia too, and so did my heart ache.
A few days ago I was so worked up about this day coming, and that brought on even heavier feelings of the break up, and the big V day coming.
I’m pretty sure that my heart left my chest for a good few days and I thought it would never return.
When I feel this way, I know I need to turn to my meditation and my spiritual practices even deeper. I have spent many years now coming back to my practice of Self Love and it was time to feel into that as deeply as I possibly could…
It was in my meditation today that I heard my Mentors words clearly
“If your not happy with something, you have 2 choices, either change your situation, and if you can’t change your situation for whatever reason, then change your perception”
As the situation cannot change at this point, I realized it was time to change my perception of this whole Valentine’s thing.
This year, instead of avoiding it, I would fully embrace the years of Self Love practice I have endeavored upon more than ever before.
This day will no longer be about the expectation of receiving love from another, rather, today it was about completely and utterly filling myself up with all the Self Love i possibly could and pouring it lovingly into my own beautiful heart.
This is something I practice on a daily basis, so it was just like any other day, instead without all of the conditions on this big label of Valentine’s Day.
My sister and I went to a beautiful meditation at the Shanti Missions Center, on the Central Coast of NSW, near where my family lives.
We started the day with a cleansing Puja ceremony honoring Lord Shiva and Goddess Shakti, chanting and singing and loving and filling ourselves up with a Unconditional Love.
Surrounded by this beauty I had a moment of realization. All these years of my spiritual practice, has guided me here - Home, and I don’t mean, home to Australia but , home, to my own heart.
Because the truth is, Love comes from within, and today I can truly say that I absolutely Love myself with all of my heart, and i have broken this stigma of not feeling good enough or lovable enough, as well as my torturous feelings around Valentine’s day conditions
After that we went to the beach and jumped into the crystal clear Aussie ocean, connecting and cleansing my heart, and feeling more renewed than ever.
Valentine’s Day now has a new meaning, and will be treated just like every other day moving forward!
Each day, filled with Unconditional Self Love, because I Am Enough, just the way I am! And I don't need anyone else to validate that for me!
If you have been conditioned in a similar way around Valentines day, I encourage you to spend the day focused on true Self Love - for me, in my experience, its been the best practice I could ever embark on.
And so it is, and so it shall be.